Year End Contemplations: With regards to coupling...

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It's that time of the year where we think about the year that has passed and what it meant to us.

Thinking about how ideas transpired and expired while using a more sombre attitude to reflect upon one's life.

Life's phases help mark milestones in one's journey.

One of which is coupling.

As most of us are encouraged to have a life plan and to be proactive about designing the life one's desires, one can't help to have built in expectations on this domain and what it leads to. Topics like if I'm going to have this number of children by this age, I need to find someone to marry by this age, and that means I need to date someone for x number of years prior. For those who have loved and lost through death or divorce, it could sound like, if I want a lifelong companion, I better start meeting more people before I get too old and set in my ways. 

The net result of this backward math is anxiety, possibly disappointment and hopelessness.  

Serena of Serenaugury, a practitioner of astrology, palmistry and tarot hears a lot of these remarks in her Singapore-based practice. She says that it is especially common to hear this from people who have always "done everything right" and find themselves at a loss when this is something that they can't seem to get a grasp on. 

For more than 10 years, Serena has been honing her natural intuitive gifts and ability to be a conduit for source message. 

Serena often finds that her clients are not exactly disappointed at the lack of a companion / partner. More often, their disappointment stems from the general lack of assertiveness and resolution when it comes to understanding the complexity of forming successful long term relationships. Her clients often approach Serena with questions like "When will I get married?" "What kind of person will I marry?", "Should I get married again?" etc. 

Serena's comprehensive birth cart readings that go beyond listing the usual traits assists one in navigating and interacting with the world. We speak to her about our first Year End Contemplation.

A Q&A with Serena of Serenaugury

What is a standard qualifier before you give people answers on their fate inquiries?

Before delving into matters of fate, I would like to point out that on a cultural level, the institution of marriage has undergone significant changes over the past century. For starters, we are getting married at an older age.

So when we think that there ought to be a “sell by date” for our singlehood, we need to remind ourselves that we are comparing ourselves against a moving target that at best, captures the median marrying age of each generation and changes with time.

The next obvious trend is that more of us are divorcing at a greater pace, which I believe is related to greater individual liberty and a wider variety of life choices. What would have been a marriage of mutual toleration and convenience in the ancient past, is no longer accepted in the present day.

This degree of individual autonomy in choosing our partners is a double edge sword, on one hand we have the freedom of choice, on the other hand, we are also subjected to being assessed by others on our capacity and compatibility for a relationship. 

How does the esoteric sciences help in building long-lasting relationships?

We may all desire to be in a loving union but we do not always realize or accept that each one of us have different capacities for a relationship. This is where the esoteric sciences (especially astrology) can analyze a person's relationship propensity.

Three main factors determine the timing at which such a union may take place; they are one’s relationship capability, specific compatibility with a partner and a window of opening in divine opportunity.

Add all these up and we have an understanding of one’s destiny, we start to see that there cannot possibly be a median age in which we are bound to find a happy union. When we become aware of the uniqueness of our life path and the inevitable hands of destiny, we also understand our own personalities better, we gain further insights to the kind of relationship possibilities appropriate for us and a sense of the right timing for the union to occur. 

What do you mean by relationship capabilities?

On relationship capabilities, we have to understand that we all have different propensities when handling issues surrounding relationships. There are some of us who have an overabundance of luck in matters of relationships, if paired incorrectly with certain aspects regarding sexual appetite and a lack of restraint, this type is the easiest to land themselves in multiple relationships and possible infidelities.

Then there is the other extreme where there are karmic blockages to areas regarding relationships or romance, resulting in a self-contained, secretive and stingy nature that makes it hard for them to open up to anyone. Either way, there is never a perfect personality and it is only when we recognize our limitations, that we can work on improving ourselves. I believe that our pathologies can never be sublimated, only redirected from the domain of desire to that of the will.

Put simply, it is a “smoothing out of rough edges” of one’s personality and having more self control over one’s subconscious reaction to triggers. 

Opposites attract? Prove it. 

On relationship compatibility, I often like to examine the dynamics of two people in terms of karmic bonds and compliments. This is a very technical matter in astrology but I will sum it up as saying that the right recipe is usually composed of karmic bonds as base ingredients, followed by servings each of both complementary opposites and similarities.

The opposites are needed to create a friction that helps us grow in our personalities and for the relationship to act as mirrors that reflect the part of us that we hide away. As the saying goes, opposites attract but in practice, they may also repel after a while. Therefore having an affinity or similar traits helps smooth the dynamics. For example, if one party is domineering and assertive while the other is clingy and possessive, this may still work out if they both share similar traits where both are demonstrative and expressive in their emotions.

The next is karmic bond where I often describe it as the glue that bonds two people together. These binding ties originate from the unseen planes which have been set going from previous incarnations and have their roots in experience in past lives. This concept of reincarnation and karma is an eastern esoteric school concept and the nearest western equivalent would be the word fate.

With such karmic bonds or fated relationships, there is often an instinctive sense of duty and responsibility associated with such bonds and it must be distinguished from mere physical attraction. 

Is timing everything?

Finally on matters of timing, astrologers chart out planetary transits along the course set out by the blueprint of our birth charts to determine the time period certain events will occur. Such transits always correlate to the major experiences in life like career, money, relationships, health and family matters. Such transits are not just single events but a series of internal personality changes that culminates into an outer event, or outer events that act as catalysts for inner processes to occur.

Typically, the entire range of time for such major transits lasts about 1-2 years and it is also possible to narrow the window down to a few months for peak intensity. Depending on the nature of the planets and the overall theme of the person’s birth chart, transits can either open up a window of opportunities to relationship matters or bring about tension or a breakdown to an existing relationship. 

For example, a person whom we shall call X experiences a planet Saturn (known for being slow and painful) that transit along their relationship sensitive spot. X may start to feel lonely and an internal urge to settle down. Along comes another planet like Uranus (known for shock) to propel the energy forward and X meets their marriage partner suddenly in the most serendipitous manner.

Alternatively, another person Y can have a planet like Pluto (known for upheavals) transiting across their relationship sensitive spot and suddenly start an affair or choose to leave their marriage. There is no exact formula for what might happen and predictions are at best probabilities, hinging upon the person's capacity for relationship and overall personality.

Astrologers can confidently predict volatility and the theme of change, but the direction and intensity of change (for better or worse) is often a culmination of the individual’s willingness and intention.

For example, an astrologer can tell X in the above example, that their window of opportunity for meeting romantic partners has opened up for the coming year ahead but if X has a low relationship capability and remains afraid to experience romance, they may still wind up alone. 

Give me a plan for success please.

The surest path to relationship success is to put in effort into working around these main categories I have just elaborated on. If one is still single, a skilled astrologer can first assess one’s relationship capacity and point out personality blindspots that can be smoothed out.

One cannot move forward without first making an honest assessment of one’s capabilities and weaknesses. This applies to success in career, relationships and life in general. Following that assessment, the astrologer can chart out specific windows in time where one will have a higher chance and better luck in meeting their romantic partners.

Sometimes, these windows can be further out in time but one can never underestimate the importance of preemptively preparing oneself for when the right time falls into place. 

The most important element and that which is beyond our control, is the karmic factor or fate. All the above aforementioned factors that go into calculations are mere attempts at predicting or making sense out of a predetermined course of events leading souls to ultimately reunite, resolve and make peace through encounters in this lifetime, however transient or lifelong, harmonious or challenging.

Despite the inevitable nature of fated relationships, we must keep faith that all intimate relationships ultimately act as mirrors to reveal our inner truths and in so doing, helps us understand ourselves on a deeper level and enriches our lives through the shared happiness and tribulations that is the cycle of life.

So to answer and allay the fears of those who are still single and wondering if they have missed their boat on a romantic partner, my answer is; try to view life with a childlike curiosity and be open to all possibilities or adventures, do not fear that there is not enough available partners out there and transform your mindset from one of scarcity to one of abundance.

Life is full of opportunities, any astrologer can attest to that but it is up to us individuals to be mentally ready to be receptive to it. 

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    This article is for informational purposes only. The views expressed are the views of the cited expert and do not necessarily represent the views of SOTP.

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